Tarynn

You know when you are real young every problem in life seems like its the end of the world. You do that for a while. Then you get older and when problems happen they suck, but you can say to yourself, “Someday I will look back at this and laugh.” Then life throws some real shit at you. One thing after another after another. At some point you realize that you will never laugh about it, that it will never be ok, that even if things turn out all right the ends can never justify the means.

 

It becomes hard to laugh after awhile, sometimes even hard to smile. Telling people, “Oh, its not that bad,” out of politeness begins to grate on your nerves. You become bitter and miserable and wonder how you can be happy again, how can you appreciate what you do have? Then it goes on, it continues, at some point you realize you are alive because the other options are unbearable, and its been that way a long time.

 

This is not a way to live a life. And it can't get better for a very long time.

What prompted you to join the navy?
Are you ever regretful you left?

Well lets see... I joined the Navy right out of High School. During my senior year I was really looking at my prospects, I didn't want to live at home anymore, my home life was good but I just couldn't see myself doing it anymore. I had made no effort to go to college, I hadn't taken the SAT's, I hadn't applied to any schools, it wasn't that I didn't want to go to school it was just I was being lazy. I also had contracted mono and had not had it diagnosed for several months during my senior year, I almost missed graduation. I didn't believe I could get a job and make it on my own, I was looking around online and read some stuff about the navy. It seemed like a great opportunity and I could live on my own.

I can't regret leaving. The life I live now and the people I have met would have never happened if I hadn't gotten out. There are people who wouldn't have been born, lives that would be completely different. I also completely hated every minute of it towards the end and knew the Navy really didn't have anything to offer me any longer. So no I don't regret it. 

What's going on in your everyday life? You don't tell people about your leg and your school and what happens to you mundanely. What did you have for dinner last night? How do you feel about that? What are you doing this weekend?

My days right now are pretty mundane. I watch a lot of TV which over my whole life is pretty unusual for me. I'm watching a lot of Sci Fi like Star Trek and Stargate SG-1. I also really like Scrubs and I watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report every night. Between my broken leg and not having a drivers license its hard to get out.

I'm also still in the x-ray tech program, I'm doing the academic stuff but I have been out of clinicals for 4 months now because of my leg. I actually have good news about that, I got clearance from my doctor to return to clinicals so I am starting that again next week. I'm worried about that because its been so long and I'm still a couple months from being 100%. I still walk with a pretty pronounced limp which isn't painful but it does cause people to stare and makes me very self-conscious.

Last night I had left over lasgna from the lunch I had with Nikki and her son, Nazareth. Having lunch with a three year old is a lot of fun for me because I don't have to do it often but I'm sure kinda gets on Nikki's nerves occasionally. I felt Kinda bad because I felt like I was kind of ignoring her for Nazareth but I was really happy because I hadn't seen him in about a month in a half. Of course Nikki was doing something really nice for me so I should have been paying more attention to her.

This weekend I'm planning on hanging out with my ex, Jessica, Saturday and helping her get her room organized. Other than that I don't have much planned although I have talked to Andrea Stacavage about hanging out and watching a bunch of Star Trek. I have had a pretty boring existence for the past couple of months but between having enough money to get my DL back and going back to clinicals things are looking to get a lot busier.

Going back to my atheist stance. I find it interesting that most people believe religious intolerance is a rarity to be endured and fought issue to issue. Why is it so hard to consider religious intolerance is much more prolific and the consequence of untested truths given to people at an age when truth is so difficult to detect? Perhaps I am wrong in blaming religion but to me I find the groups that seem most opposed to my personal beliefs are those most ardently religious. It has to do with believing that people should have the ability to make there own choices as long as those choices have a minimal effect on everyone else.

I have been told that as an atheist I am as bad as any fundamentalist Christian. I find that it interesting. As an atheist I would like you to look at the world in a logical reasoned way, I would like you to see the world without religion or spirituality. Thats the only thing I care about. How many other aspects of your life does a religious fundamentalist want to control? It may be with atheists its all about God but with most fundamentalists its about a whole lot more.

Hey due to my broken leg and lack of transportation I spend a lot of time at home which is ungodly boring. If anyone can suggest some books that will not only be interesting but also really absorbing I would appreciate it.

Ok so something has been bothering me for a while. They have all these commercials about saving the lynhaven river by cleaning up after your dog. I don't get it, I find it hard to believe that dog feces really makes that much a difference. First I just think about other wild animals, squirrels, raccoons, opossums and finally ducks. The amount produced by that group of animals has to be many magnitudes greater than the occasional dog taken for a walk next to the river.  

Don't get me wrong I would appreciate it everyone cleaned up after their animal. Stepping in dog poo is one of life's more annoying occurrences, but you got a lot of explaining to do if you think I'm going to believe dog poo has a major effect on the water quality in the area.

I am a rabid atheist.

This puts me in one of the most distrusted minorities out there. I am among the group you are least likely to be ok with your daughter to marrying. I am also in the group that thinks its ok for people to marry whoever they want. I am in the group that thinks its wrong to allow cells to die when they could be used to heal millions. I don't want anyone in our schools teaching your kids their take on religion as if it were the truth. I want abstinence to be taught in sex education, I want how to put on a condom taught too.

I find interesting that most people find me amoral because I'm an atheist. I also find it interesting that many people feel the majority of religious people are moral. The majority of religious individuals in our country want to discriminate against gays and lesbians because someone told them too. If you don't believe me on that one please say something.

I think it is weird showing people that have died on TV. I don't mean like actually dead people but like dead actors performing on tape. I mean seriously what if that performance was what you considered the absolute ever and everyone was watching it again and again after you died. Am I the only one that thinks thats kind of disrespectful? Just a thought.

I've lost my luck, fate doesn't like me, and karma is a bitch

For those of you that understand, well thats all you need to know
FOr those of you who don't... Well I doubt I could explain it

I'm sorry but this may very well be the greatest thing on the internet...

Viking Kittens

For those of you who don't know I got a new camera

It is the most wonderful thing in the world... Ok maybe not the most wonderful but damm near close. It is finally letting me do thing with photography that I have always wanted to do. I will have to say it has a very steep learning curve and we do battle often. Especially in the arena of where to focus, I've taken a lot of pictures of wonderfully focused doors and bean bag chairs,
unfortunately this means my subject tends to be a bit blurry. The good thing is this is why I wanted this camera so badly, to learn. SO you will probably be seeing a lot more photos in this journal as well as the journal of my primary subject :-)




( Night Shots )

Not sure if I should laugh or cry

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Some pictures of me at the club...



( I should get a band and learn how to lip synch )

Ever wonder who does those voice overs?

Stolen from kijeren, Specificaly for kamera_shy and logicalillusion...


Rich Fantasy Lives
Words: © 2004 by Rob Balder

That waitress at Pete's who took so long to seat you,
And left you to stand in the doorway,
With her stringy red hair and her thousand-yard stare,
In her mind, she's the Princess of Norway.

As she takes down your order, she's crossing the fjord, her
White stallion spits foam like a madman.
Many Vikings have died trying to take her as bride,
But her heart is reserved for a bad man.

Rich fantasy lives.
Somehow she survives in a world she contrives.
Inhibited husbands and frustrated wives
Lead rich fantasy lives.

That guy from IT ressurects your PC
With a boredom he barely suppresses.
Though he rarely converses, he has more universes
In his head than you've got addresses.

He wargames through weekends, leads armies and legions.
He doesn't care how well you putted.
He's browsing reality's infinite palette, he's
Seen yours, and yours doesn't cut it.

Rich fantasy lives.
He quietly thrives in a world he contrives.
Techno-drone insects in cubicle hives
Lead rich fantasy lives.

We're piling up fears, but we're out of frontiers.
Some need to escape, but there's nowhere.
Can't go to the Moon, at least any time soon,
But an inner-space trip costs you no fare.

So don't be unkind to a wandering mind,
Just say it again if we missed it.
Some whispering poem was calling us home
To a place we know never existed.

Rich fantasy lives.
Our peace-bonded knives and our hyperspace drives.
Until that steam engine to Hogwarts arrives,
We have rich fantasy lives.

Rich fantasy lives.
Our quests and our tribes and our Babylon Fives.
Until something better than this world arrives,
We'll lead rich fantasy lives.
Rich fantasy lives.

I think this may be the most disturbing picture I have ever seen

I've been surfing a lot lately and thought I would share some of the stuff I have found...

First a new artist, some of you probably know him, but he is new to me. The fact thazt I like him and I can count the number of painters I really like I can count on one hand makes him special.
Rafal Olbinski
If anyone was wondering about a great gift for me, I would love a print of Hierarchy


Oh and a little religious humor
The Evil Bible
Cheap Canadian Labor?
And to resolve any issues you may have had about the whole "god" thing...
The GOD faq


Oh just in case you had some self-esteem..
The Total Perspective Vortex

And now a couple games
Check out the high scores biznotch
Counting sheep
Pounding Peguins

Just to mess with your perception
Are they spining?
Read it fast
Colour perception

Attn: belovednblest and anyone else wondering what the hell happened in N.O.

So this is really fucking spooky. If you go HERE you will see a 12 minute Nova clip on exactly how Katrina managed to destroy New Orleans. So whats the spooky part?

It aired January 25th of this year.